In the middle of the longest government shutdown in US history, we have gotten our hands on some leaked documents that Donald Trump is dealing with an even greater national crisis – and the real reason he wants to build a Wall.
“There is no truth to the rumours,” said Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders who we managed to reach by cellphone. “The Wall is great and it’s there to keep out unwanted illegal aliens.”
But what type of aliens are we talking about? Perhaps not the Mexican kind. For years there have been rumours about a Nazi military base on the moon and a cover up but there has been no proof until now.
The reporters at Jeridoo Universe have been put into contact with what we can only name as a "top United States military official" who has given us some leaked emails that the government shutdown isn’t all it seems.
“The government shutdown is not about the Wall at all,” this unnamed official said. “It’s given the government employees a head start to run for their lives.”
But run from what? The leaked emails between Donald Trump are extremely disturbing and would make any sane money want to run for the hills. They show a correspondence between a party that can only be identified as Fuhrer_Alphie@yahoo.com and Trump himself about a prehuman colony of dinosaurs ruled by a person named the Vril and a race of reptilians led by Adolf Hitler.
According to Fuhrer_Alphie@yahoo.com, Hitler takes on a reptilian form along with a number of other world leaders, all of whom are Reptilians under their human skin.
There are hundreds of emails and our team is slowly verifying each one as they go through them. The emails seem to meander through various topics from how great America is, to the size of Trump's hands, to the Nazi military base on the moon.
Jeridoo Universe has tried to discern the true identity of Fuhrer_Alphie@yahoo.com but so far, we have not been successful. Jeridoo has even hired some top hacker to track down the IP address of the emails but even the hackers have been at loss.
“It’s like the IP address is coming from somewhere at the center of the Earth,” the hacker told us. “Whoever is redirecting their signal is a total genius.”
This has lead some to believe that Trump is actually one of those alien reptiles in league with Sarah Palin who, according to the emails, is one of the reptiles.
“That would explain a lot,” said Michael Cohen, Trump’s ex-lawyer and now convicted criminal, when reached for comment. “I always thought there was something off about the man. I thought it was just the hair but now I realize the hair was just a cover up.”
However the press secretary has denied all knowledge of this reptilian race.
“Donald Trump, a reptile? That is the craziest question I have heard – and I’ve had heard some batshit crazy questions,” Sanders said.
Our unnamed source says Americans should follow their elected officials and move to the Bahamas where there are apparently no alien reptilian races. But what about those who can’t afford the Bahamas? we asked.
“Those people are screwed,” the official replied. “These reptiles have taken over the government. They will destroy the world and there is no stopping them.”
We have not been able to verify whether the leaked emails are authentic or not. Donald Trump still has not granted us an interview to discuss the matter with us. Our advice? Get to the Bahamas and claim refugee status.
For more on this topic and video evidence leaked out of the White House, please click here.
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